


Dancing In The Ruins (That Used To Be My Life)

by BlackUnicorn



Series: From The Cradle To The Grave [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe, BAMF Mary, Cheating, Domestic Violence, Drunk John, Hunters & Hunting, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Minor Character Death, Other, POV Mary Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Mary Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Witches, actually everyone is protective, except maybe john, sorry not a fan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-06 01:03:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackUnicorn/pseuds/BlackUnicorn
Summary: It was a Friday when Mary's life got suddenly turned upsite down. Before that everything had been...fine. Or fine enough anyway. Now, she had a cheating husband and a third son that wasn't even hers and on top of all that she had to try to save John's life because after all, he was still the man she used to love and the father of her children.





	1. Please forgive me, I can’t forgive you now

**Author's Note:**

> So this is sort of the prequel to the actual story which will follow at some point.  
> This takes place in 1995, so Dean is 16 and Sam is 12.  
> Obviously, I don't own the characters, just the storyline.

The first time, Mary and John had met, it wasn’t by chance or fate, it was because they parents had decided so. The Campbells, a Hunter family, going back generations, and the Winchesters, one of the founding families of the Men of Letters. It was an alliance. A union of tradition and knowledge. However, John had turned out to be a handsome, charming young man and Mary had been more than happy to marry him. And it could have been so perfect. Mary still remembered the day on which it had all changed. When it had all gone wrong.

May 9, 1984, a week after Sam’s first birthday. It had been a Wednesday and Mary, John, Sam and Dean had just sat down at the table to have breakfast when the telephone had rung. A call from the police department, informing John that his father, Henry Winchester, had been found dead in his house, practically torn apart. The following weeks and months had been hell. John had been obsessed with finding the thing that had been responsible for his father’s death, neglecting Mary and the boys. He had started drinking, stayed out late, sometimes for days; but the worst thing had been the anger. The John, she had loved was gone, what remained was a furious, bitter man that regularly smashed mirrors and plates but still…despite all that, she couldn’t bring it over herself to leave him. Until now, anyway.

Two things had happened tonight.

The first being another fight with John. That wasn’t anything unusual per se, since they fought all of the time, mostly over the same old stuff and like always, John had stormed off to some bar to get drunk. The same old stuff, meant Sam and Dean. John wanted to start teaching them how to Hunt, Mary did not. Sam was only 12, Dean just four years older and they were way too young to be involved in all this. Of course, they knew about Monsters and Demons. Of course, Mary and John had taught them how to handle weapons. But Hunting? That was a clear ‘no’, from Mary.

The second thing had been a mysterious call from a police officer from Minnesota.

»Hello? «, she had answered the phone.

_»Hello, this is deputy Harald Jonson, from the Windom Police Department. Can I speak to Mister John Winchester, please? «_

»John isn’t here right now. Shall I give him a massage? «

 _»It’s about his son Adam. He has been taken to the hospital, it would be better if his father could be here when he wakes up. «_ , the police officer had said and from all the things Mary might have expected, that hadn’t been one of them. Lost for words, she had stood there, staring at the wall, not quite able to grasp the meaning of the words. _»Hello? Are you still there? «_

»I – yes. What did you say? «

_»I said Adam is currently at the hospital and - «_

»Yes, I got that part. «, Mary had interrupted him. »But I don’t understand. «

_»Excuse me, who did you say you were? «_

»I didn’t and my name is Mary Winchester. I’m John’s wife. «

That time it had been the deputy who had been rendered speechless and Mary was tempted to ask if he was still there because really, that who conversation had been ridiculous.

 _»Uhm, I – I’m sorry Mrs. Winchester. I didn’t realise, I mean - «_ , officer Jonson had stuttered. _»I apologize but it seems like John Winchester, your husband, has an extramarital child. «_

»Adam. «

_»Yes. «_

»And he’s in hospital. «

_»I’m afraid so. «_

»What about his mother? «

_»She’s dead. «_

So now it was 2 a.m. and Mary sat at the kitchen table, waiting for John to return while Sam and Dean were staying the weekend at Bobby Singer’s and Jody Mills’ place and she was angry. Correction; she wasn’t just angry, she was positively pissed.

Finally, Mary heard the engine of a car pulling up the driveway and shortly after, a set of keys, unlocking the door. John Winchester, drunk off his arse, with dirty clothes and a black eye, stumbled into the house.

»Hello John. «, Mary said as soon as she had turned on the lights. John squinted a bit, »Shuddup woman. ‘m not in the mood. «, John slurred and maybe it was the fact that he had called her ‘woman’ or maybe that he was even more drunk than usual but something pushed her over the edge. »Well that’s too bad, because I am. «. Mary walked to the tap to get a glass of water and slammed it onto the table. »Drink. «, she ordered. John looked at her in total bewilderment but did as she said. »Now, is there something you’d like tell me? «, she asked, trying to stay calm.

»Wha’re ya talking abou’? «

»Let me give you a clue. Windom, Minnesota. Kate and Adam. Ring a bell? «

John's eyes widened in shock, »How did you - «

»Oh, I just had a very interesting phone call from one deputy Jonson, informing me that my husband’s mistress died and not only that but that said mistress has a son with my husband. Just when were you planning on telling me all this? «, she almost yelled now and John came back from is stupor. He stood up, swaying just a little bit, »Do not talk to me like that. «, he growled.

»Really? That’s all you’ve got say to me? «, Mary replied without backing away. John suddenly moved and the back of his hand hit her straight in the face. Taken by surprise, Mary stumbled backwards. Her cheek was throbbing but the worst part was that this was the first time this had happened. Despite, John anger he had never laid a hand on her until now. And enough was enough. »Right. «, she said. »That’s it. Out. I don’t give a shit where you’ll stay but it won’t be here. I’m gonna go to Bobby’s now and explain to the boys why their dad won’t be around any longer, not that it would make a difference I suppose, and when we get back here, I want you out of my fucking house! «. And with those last words, she turned around and left.


	2. And I’ve made a few mistakes, but I’m not the only one

It was a five-hour drive from Lawrence to Sioux Falls but Mary made it in four and arrived in the early morning. Luckily, Bobby and Jody were already awake when she knocked at the door.

»Mary. «, Jody sounded surprised when she opened the door and saw her friend standing outside. »Come in, you look terrible. «

»Thanks Jody, I feel worse. «

»What happened? «

»John. « and with that one word everything seemed to be said. Jody didn’t ask further, just lead Mary to the kitchen where Bobby was already working through some old books.

»What did the old bastard do this time? «, he asked without looking up.

Mary sat down and took the coffee, Jody offered her, »He had an affair with some woman in Minnesota, they have a son, Adam. «, obviously, that was not what Bobby had expected because now he did look up.

»Balls! «, he said angrily, »When did that happen? «

»I don’t know. Got a call last night from the police department up there. The woman’s dead and the kid’s in hospital. «

»Well that ain’t good. What’d he say? «

»Nothing. Didn’t even deny it, just yelled at me. Then he hit me and I sent him away. I can’t do this anymore. Ever since Henry died he hasn’t been the same. «, Mary clasped her coffee and only now did she notice just how big this was. She was shaking, fighting off the tears. John, her husband, the man she loved, had cheated on her with another woman. Not just cheated but built a new family. Away from her. Away from Sam and Dean.

»Where are the boys? I need to talk to them. «, she said and started to stand up but Jody pushed her back onto the chair.

»You do, but not now. Let ‘em sleep. «, she said. Mary nodded, unable to do much else. »So should you. «

Mary hadn’t even noticed just how tired she was, but Jody was right, she really should sleep.

»What do I tell them? «, Mary asked finally, »Sam and Dean, what do I say to them? «

»The truth. «, Bobby just said. »Ain’t no point in lying to ‘em ‘bout it. «

And Bobby was right. They might still be children but they were tough and Mary knew they could handle it. They had to.

* * *

Almost ten hours later, Mary woke up. She had slept on the couch and her back hurt but apart from that she did feel considerably better.

»Hey mum. «

Mary looked up and saw Dean sitting across from her in a chair. She smiled, »Hello darling. Since when have you been there? «

Dean shrugged, »A few hours. Bobby didn’t say what happened, just that something was wrong and you didn’t feel well. «, he hesitated. Mary could see how it was working inside of him, how he was struggling with the words he wanted to say. »It’s dad, isn’t it? «, he finally asked. Mary gulped, Dean was smart, although he didn’t always show it. She nodded, »Dean, we need to talk. Why don’t you get Sammy and we sit down for a bit? «

Explaining everything to the boys was much easier than Mary had expected. They knew that their parents had their problem, of course they knew. Coming to think of it, Mary probably should have anticipated something like this. Cheating. Lying. It shouldn’t have been a surprise.

»It’ll be okay, mum. «, Sam said and smiled at her. Mary couldn’t help but smile back. Sam was always like that, always positive, always comforting and understanding.

»I know we both haven’t been around much and that you’ve spent most of your time here. I know that and I’m so, so sorry. Hunting isn’t exactly something that leaves much time for family. My dad got me into this when I was still young and wanted it to be different for you. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are old enough. If you want to, that is. «, it wasn’t easy to say this. Mary had fought against it for years.

»Mum we practically are Hunters already. We know how to fight. Sammy’s read every fricking book in this house when Bobby wasn’t looking - «

»Hey, jerk! «

»Shut up, bitch. «

»Boys. «

»What I’m saying, is that you don’t have to worry about us. I’ll take care of Sam. I always have. «. The way Dean said it, like it was something normal, something given, made Mary even sadder. Made her feel incredibly guilty. She had been away so often. Hunting monsters. And John hadn’t exactly been a parent for years that Dean had in fact become the one to raise his brother and she had not even realized it until now. »It’s alright. «

»It’s really not. «, Mary shook her head. »Dean _I’m_ your mother. _I’m_ supposed to be the one to look after you. Both of you. «

»Stop worrying. «, Sam intervened. »We’re alright, really. You, however, are not. «

»Sam’s right. Why don’t you go, see Ellen for a few days? I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you. «, Dean suggested.

Dean was right. A quick call to the Harvelle’s Roadhouse made clear that Ellen and William were already looking forward to Mary’s visit, so she quickly packed a bag and drove to Nebraska to see her best friend.

* * *

»Hello, beauty. «, Ellen said when Mary got out of the car. They hugged and Mary followed Ellen inside the Roadhouse where William was standing behind the bar and a ten-year-old Jo sat at a table drawing pictures.

»Mary! It’s good to see you. «, William said.

»You too. «

»What happened? You didn’t say at the phone. «, Ellen asked and Mary began to explain.

»Wow, he really fucked up this time, didn’t he? «, she asked afterwards and Mary just nodded. »I mean, don’t get me wrong, I never really liked him but this? «

»Now you’re being unfair, Ellen. John’s a good guy. «, William said. »His father’s death really screwed him over. «

»He’s your friend but even you have to admit that cheating on his wife, beating her, is too much. «, Ellen threw back.

»I didn’t say that what he did what right, just that you should give him a break. «

»Henry died 11 years ago. He should be over that by now «

»He never found what killed him, though. «, William considered.

»Can we not talk about John for a second? «, Mary interrupted.

»Sure, sorry. «

They sat together until late, laughing and drinking together with other Hunters who came to the Roadhouse regularly and Mary actually managed to forget about John for a while. That was, until Andrea Gibbons walked in. The Sheriff was a good friend of Ellen after she had saved her life a few years ago, and now informed the Harvelle’s whenever something Supernatural came up.

»Hey Andrea. Didn’t expect you here so late. «, Ellen greeted the other woman.

»I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to. There was another body today. The third already. «, Andrea explained and lay a file on the counter. »These, are the photos of the victims. «. Mary saw how a pile of photographs were lain out in front of Ellen; two men and a woman. Ellen picked them up and looked at them carefully, »Oh my god. «, she whispered.

»Yeah, I know. Doesn’t look pretty. «

»These people were tortured. «

»They were, the thing is, our pathologist says that they died weeks ago, but…when the bodies were found they looked fresh. I mean it could be nothing but ever since that case in ’91 I always keep my eyes open and the last one, «, she held up a picture of a young man, »apart from the obvious injuries and the strange thing about his time of death, there was this smell, like…like foul eggs. I’ve never smelled that before at a body. «

»Wait. «, Mary spoke up, »Foul eggs you say? «. Andrea nodded. »Yes, you know what it is? «

»Maybe…Ellen can I use the phone? «

»Sure. «

Mary walked over to the telephone and dialed Bobby’s number, or one of them anyway.

»Bobby? It’s Mary. «

 _»Now, didn’t we tell ya to take your mind of things? Everything’s fine aroun’ here. «_ , Bobby said.

»Yeah, sorry but…I have a question and you always know everything. «

_»Alright, shoot. «_

»Smell of foul eggs. Ring a bell? «, she asked and was met by silence. »Bobby? «

_»Sorry, where’d you hear that? «_

»The sheriff around here just came in with a pile of photos. The last dead body they found smelled of it. «

_»Balls! «_

»What is it, Bobby? «

_»Shit load of bad, that’s what it is. You better keep out of it. «_

»Why? «

_»It’s Demons. Haven’t met one in ages but I’d never forget the smell. «_

»Demons? «

_»Yeah. «_

»Alright, thanks Bobby, I’ll be careful. You look after my boys. «

_»Never did anything else. «_

»I know. Thanks. «

Returning to the others, Mary told them what she had found out. Andrea paled visibly. »Demons? That’s a thing? «, she asked.

»’fraid so. «, Bill nodded. »I remember, eight or so years ago, me an’ John were down in Texas, looking at a simple haunting and one the cops really had it in for us. Quite a shock when he suddenly stood in our motel room, with eyes pitch black and strength like you wouldn’t believe. «

»How do you kill a Demon? «

»You don’t as far as I know. You exorcise ‘em. «

»But there has to be a way to kill them. «

»There’s a legend. Samuel Colt built a weapon in 1835 but no knows where it is now. Probably just a bed time story for Hunter kids. «

Except, what if it wasn’t? Mary knew the story about Samuel Colt and there was a part in her that believed it.


	3. A man who casts no shadow has no soul

The next morning, they moved out. Mary didn’t even know when exactly they decided to look into the three dead bodies but it was just after 10 a.m. when she, Bill and Ellen left the Roadhouse, while Rufus Turner, a friend and fellow Hunter, drove Jo to South Dakota so she could stay with Bobby and Jody. The sheriff already waited for them at the police station to go through the files, which didn’t take long since none of the victims were identified.

»They’re not from the area, we know that much. «

»They could be anyone if they were all possessed by Demons. «, Ellen said.

»Ellen’s right, it doesn’t really matter who they were, what matters is why they are dead and who killed them. «    

»But how do we find that out? «

»I might have an idea. «

Thirty minutes later, the three women and William stood at the side of a gravel path.

»I don’t think this is a good idea. «, Andrea whispered.

»It’s the only one we’ve got, you want out? Go. «, Mary suggested. If she was quite honest, she didn’t like it either but since it was her idea she would go through with it. When they were finished, drawing the Devil’s Trap, Mary buried the box in the middle of the crossroad and quickly stepped back. They didn’t have to wait for long before a man, wearing a black suit appeared. He immediately saw the Devil’s Trap and his eyes turned red. »Bloody hell, seriously? I was bored and just came up here to have a bit of fun and this is what I get? «, he asked exasperated.

»Tell me your name and rank, Demon. «, Mary demanded.

The Demon smiled at her, »Name’s Crowley, King of the Crossroads, nice to meet you, Hunter. I assume I’m not here for a deal. «

»You’re not. «

»Than what _do_ you want? «

»Information. «, William suddenly said, »You lost quite a few Demons lately. «

»And just what would you know about that? «

»The bodies were found. At least three of them are dead. «

»Six. Six Demons have gone missing. That’s not good for business and Lucifer is getting a impatient. «

»That’s not good for you, I’m sure. If you can’t even keep track of your own minions. So why don’t you help us, help you? «

»In exchange for what? «

»I’m sure I can think of something. «

»So, you do want to make a deal. «, Crowley said smugly and Mary laughed, »Don’t get your hopes up, Crowley. I’m not going to sell my soul to you. «

»I never thought you would. «

In the end, Crowley told them that all the Demons missing were Crossroads Demons and that they were all summoned to the same place; a forest near Halsey.

* * *

It was a rash decision to drive out to the woods although the sun was already going down. They drove in two separate cars and when Mary parked the Impala just behind Bill’s jeep, she had doubts if it was really such a good idea to go without backup. But then again, they didn’t know if they would actually find anything. »Come on. «, William said, checking his weapons one last time before turning on the flashlight. They walked into the darkness of the forest, carefully listening for anything unusual. It never came. They found the crossroad easily, the Devil’s Trap still visible on the ground. »What he does to them, I don’t think it happens here but he can’t take them a long way, so there must be some kind of house. «

»What about this? «, Ellen said. She had her back turned to them, facing a small path which was barely visible between the trees. »Let’s see where it goes. «. Guns drawn, they followed the path, further and further into the darkness and with every step, Mary regretted this trip more and more and she found herself hoping that they wouldn’t find anything. Except they did. After maybe ten minutes through the woods, the trees began to thin out, creating a clearing which was taken by an old house. »This must be it. «, Mary whispered.

»It’s the old Walker’s residence. «, Ellen pointed out.

»Walker? «

»Yes. Crazy family. The dad died a few years ago, and the sister was killed by Vampires. Gordon’s the only one left. Should be about 18 now. I haven’t seen him in ages. «

»Well, this place looks abandoned. «

»Still, we should have a look inside. «

They do and despite the look of the house from the outside, the inside wasn’t abandoned at all. It looked like somebody actually still lived there. The furniture was clear and there were dirty dishes in the kitchen. Suddenly, they heard a piecing scream. »The basement. «, Bill said and they all headed for the door in the corridor. The door wasn’t locked and when they opened it, the scream got louder. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, Mary followed her two friends down a narrow staircase in the dark.

»You like that? Iron blade dunk in hydrochloric acid? «, a voice said, followed by another scream of agony. »Or maybe, I should just shoot you with this, you wanna know what it is? «

»Please. «, it was the weak voice of a woman, pleading. »What do you want from me? «

»Tell me, how to kill an Angel? «

»I don’t know – argh! «, another scream. Mary felt a bit sick. She had never been a fan of torture even if it were real monsters. She much preferred to put them out of their misery clean and quick. Carefully, she tiptoed towards the corner, peering into the room. She could hardly suppress a gasp when she saw what was going on. Along the walls were cages with men and women, crouching on the ground, naked and filthy. At the end of the room she could see chains, dangling from the ceiling, walls and floor. A woman was bound in those chains, she was small, with dirty blonde hair, her body covered in streams and cuts, blood running down her skin.

»How do I kill an Angel? «, Gordon asked again. He had a gun in his hand and Mary immediately saw that it wasn’t just any gun. It was a colt and she would bet anything that it was _the_ Colt. The Colt created by Samuel Colt, designed to kill Demons. Acting on impulse, Mary rounded the corner and pointed her gun at Gordon, »Drop the weapon, Gordon. «, she said. Behind her back, she could hear Ellen whisper frantically, »What the hell are you doing? «, but she ignored it. Gordon spun around. »Who the hell are you? «

»I might tell you if you lay down the gun. «

»Oh, you have no idea what you’re dealing with here, lady. «, Gordon laughed.

»I think I do. «, Mary said, just before pulling the trigger. The bullet drilled through Gordon’s thigh and he creamed in pain. »You fucking bitch! «, he started but it was too late. The little distraction was all it had needed to get the Demon to act. Gordon had made the mistake of standing too close to the woman and his blood was dripping on the outlines of the Devil’s Trap. Within seconds, she was free and kicked Gordon in the back. »I said drop the gun! «, Mary repeated her demand. »Screw you! «, he spat and rushed forward. Although he was only 18, Gordon was considerably taller than Mary, however she had the experience and after a first moment of surprise it was very easy to twist his arm on the back and pin him down. What she hadn’t anticipated was his strength. With one violent motion, he rolled around and Mary could hear bones breaking but Gordon didn’t stop. Suddenly it was him above her and Mary lying on the ground. She heard a shot and blood was spilling all over her face, just before Gordon fell on top of her.

»You okay? «, Ellen asked after she had rolled the man aside. Mary nodded. She felt a bit shaky but she was fine. Her friend helped her get up and together they opened the cages. There were eight in total. Four of them were empty, one because the woman was still bound in the chains. They led her free and Mary gave her, her jacket to cover herself up. »Thanks. «, she muttered. »What’s your name? «, Mary asked. She didn’t even know why, this was a Demon after all but she did feel bad for her. »Meg. «, she answered. »Okay, Meg. My name is Mary Winchester, I’m a Hunter but I’m not gonna kill you, understand? Just make sure we don’t meet a second time. «, Mary explained calmly and Meg nodded before quickly running up the stairs. Mary looked around one more time. Everyone was gone. Everyone except one man.

»Thank you, Mary Winchester. «, he too, was naked but didn’t seem to care. He seemed inconspicuous. His hair was blonde and covered in dirt and mud, his face covered in freckles, but his eyes…his eyes were deep blue, burning into her. If someone had asked her, Mary wouldn’t have been able to say how she knew that this man wasn’t a Demon, but she did.

»You – you’re welcome. «, she stuttered. The man smiled, »I am Castiel. An Angel of the Lord and I am in your dept. Please, whatever it is I can do for you, name it. «. Of course, Mary had heard rumours about Angels but actually meeting one…that was something different, completely. She thought about Castiel’s words. ‘ _Whatever it is I can do for you, name it_ ’.

»My sons. Sam and Dean. «, she said eventually. »I can’t stop them from becoming Hunters but…can you protect them? Please? «, she asked. It was insane, really. She had no idea who this guy was, just that he claimed to be ‘an Angel of the Lord’, but something told her that she could trust him.

»Of course, I will do whatever is in my power to protect your sons. «, he said before turning around to leave as well.

»Thank you, Castiel. «, Mary called just as the Angel was about to step on the stairs. He didn’t turn around, didn’t say anything but Mary was sure that he was smiling.


	4. The storm in my eyes

»Finally! Bobby Singer called, like six times. «, Martin Creaser said as soon as they got back to the Roadhouse.

»What? Why? «

»Well I dunno. He wouldn’t say. Just call him back. «

For some reason, Mary did not call him back right then, but waited till the next morning.

»Bobby? «,

»No, it’s Jody. I’m glad you called. «, Jody said. She sounded out of breath and very anxious.

»What happened? «

»It’s Dean. «, Jody answered. »He’s gone. «

* * *

 

It took Mary only a couple of hours to get to South Dakota and once she had parked at Bobby’s garage, she practically stormed into the house. »What happened? What do you mean, ‘Dean’s gone’ «

»Apparently, John showed up here yesterday. He tried to take Dean and Sam with him but Sam refused, so he just took Dean. «, Jody answered.

There was a moment in which a cold shudder went don Mary’s spine and she was lost for words before a weak, »What? «, escaped her mouth.

»I’m so sorry, Mary. I was at work and Bobby was in the yard and he just showed up. Sam said that he was drunk and angry and he tried to convince them to come with him but they said no. Then, John hit Dean, so he said yes. He was just trying to protect Sam.«

Mary could see it all playing in front of her eyes, like a movie playing in her head. »Oh my god. «, she whispered. »I should have been here. I should have protected them. «

»There’s nothing you could have done, Mary. «

»I am their mother! There is everything I could have - «,

»Mum! «, suddenly Sam stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching her with those big, beautiful eyes.

»Sammy! I’m glad you’re okay. «

»Of course I’m okay. I’m here. But Dean’s not, so we need to find him. «

»And we will. Did your dad say where he was going? «, Mary asked.

»Something about Minnesota, I think. «

»Minnesota? «, Mary repeated and Sam nodded. »Okay. Thanks, love. I’ll find him. Don’t you worry. «

* * *

»Who the hell does he think he is? «, Mary raged, once Sam was out of earshot. »Showing up here, like he has some sort of right? Taking my son? I swear if he does anything to harm Dean I’m gonna - «

»Mary! «, Bobby cut in. Mary stopped her pacing and looked at him. »That’s enough. «

»You’re right. I need to go to Windom, right now. «

* * *

Despite Bobby’s objection Mary got back into the car to drive to Minnesota and one and a half hours later she stood in front of the local hospital, where the nurse told her that Adam had been released a few hours ago.

»Can you tell me who picked him up? «

»His father. «, she answered. »And if you’ll excuse me now; I’ve got work to bet back to. «

Finding out Kate Milligan’s address was easy, however, when Mary finally got there, she found the door open. Immediately, every muscle in her body tensed, her Hunter instincts kicking in, screaming that something was wrong. But despite the rush of adrenaline, despite her worries and fear she took her time, opening the trunk of the car and aiming herself before going in. She registered that it was a very pretty house with pictures at every wall. She could see John, laughing and happy, his arm draped around the shoulders of another woman, a little boy sitting on his lap; that must be Adam, she thought. Everything was silent and Mary moved from one room to another, until she entered the kitchen. That was when she saw Dean. Her son sat on the floor, his eyes blankly staring into the distance, there was blood on his clothes and hands.

»Dean! «, she cried out and ran towards him. Dean looked up, his eyes finally focusing. »Mum. «. His voice was weak and shaky and he didn’t return the hug she gave him. »Mum - «, he repeated, but it seemed like he was unable to say anything else, instead his gaze went past her, falling on something in the back of the room. Mary turned around, slowly and gasped. John lay on the floor, motionless. Next to him was the body of a man with tattooed arms and hands, his head bashed in by a baseball bat, lying next to him. And there was someone else. A boy, maybe five years old, was crouched in the corner behind John, crying silently. The same boy, she had seen on the photos. Adam.

»Oh my god. «, she whispered and approached her husband. He was alive.

»I’m so sorry mum. «, Dead finally said. He had stood up, his hands shaking. »I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stop him, he just came at dad and I panicked and grabbed the bat and I hit him over and over again but it was too late. This is my fault. «

»Hey! Hey, don’t you dare blame yourself. You did what you had to do and your dad will be fine. «, the last part of that was a lie. Mary didn’t know much about Djinn poison, but she did know that there was no cure. If John had been put into a hallucination, she would have known what to do but this more looked like an attack. Like the Djinn had just tried to kill John. He hadn’t succeeded. Not yet.

»Adam? «, Mary got down on her knees in front of the boy. »Adam, I’m Mary. «, she said and tried to smile at him. Adam returned her gaze with wide eyes.

»Is he gone? The bad man? «, Adam asked and Mary nodded. »Yes sweetheart, the bad man won’t hurt you anymore. «

Adam started crying again and Mary couldn’t help but wrap her arms around him. This was just an innocent boy who had just lost his mother and possibly his father too. A boy who had had to watch a Supernatural being attack John in front of his eyes and then 16-year-old Dean kill said being. This was a boy who deserved love and safety and right now, Mary didn’t want anything more than to give it to him. »It’s gonna be alright, I promise. «, she whispered, her eyes fixed on Dean and she really didn’t know whom she tried to reassure; the boys, or herself.

Thirty minutes later, Adam was sleeping in his bed and Mary helped Dean to clean up the blood at his hands, reminding her of her first kill. She had been 18 and Samuel, her father had taken her to a Hunt. Her first Hunt. The case had been easy enough, a Vampire nest, feeding of teenagers in the neighborhood. They had found the nest, freed the kids and Samuel had killed all the Vampires. All, except one. The leader of the nest, had been taken hostage and Samuel had told Mary to kill him, so she would officially be a Hunter. That day had been both the best and worst day of her life but at least she had chosen it. Dean hadn’t gotten to choose; he had found himself in a situation where he had been forced to act. A situation, no 16 – year – old should ever experience but for that, he seemed oddly collected. Now, after the first shock had worn off, Dean wasn’t shaking anymore, his voice was steady and his eyes focused. He worked methodically, while they scrubbed the kitchen floor and put the body into the car to expose of it and it worried her. In many aspects, Dean had always tried to be like his father. Unapproachable, invincible and strong. Mary recognized the expression in Deans face; it was the same expression John always wore. A stony mask, with hard eyes, making it impossible to guess what he was thinking or feeling.

_»You okay, girl? «_ , Bobby asked after Mary had explained exactly what had happened.

»No. Not really. «, Mary whispered. »Bobby, I – I don’t know what to do. Dean says he’s fine but I know he’s lying. I’ve got a five-year-old boy upstairs who’s gonna be scarred for life and John…he’s not gonna make it, Bobby. That Djinn poisoned him and there is no cure for that. «

_»Bullshit._ «, Bobby barked. _»There’s a cure for everything. You just have to know where to look. «_

»Then where? Can you tell me that? «

_»There’s a doctor. Doctor T. She an’ her family’s helped Hunters for centuries. They say she’s the best of her kind. «_

»Great. Where do I find her? «

_»I don’t know. But I’ll make a few calls. Jody’s on her way to Minnesota with Sam. The boy should be with his father. «,_ Bobby said. _»Oh, and Mary, John’s a tough guy. He’ll be fine. «_

The talk with Bobby didn’t really help to calm Mary down. She was about loose the one man she had ever loved; no matter how much of a dick he was now, he used to be kind and sweet. Pacing up and down the room, Mary contemplated, what she could do to find this woman. Mary’s eyes fell on John who was now lying on the sofa, his life draining out of him.

Mary finally lay in bed, trying to catch some sleep, when she remembered.

_»In exchange for what? «_

_»I’m sure I can think of something. «_

She helped Crowley get his Demon’s back. He owed her.

Mary sat up, suddenly very excited at the thought that was forming in her head. It was insane, really and incredibly dangerous. She couldn’t trust a Demon but what if…?

Carefully, Mary got out of bed again and dressed herself. She needed to talk to Crowley. She knew that it would be stupid to bury another box at a crossroad so she had to find out what summoning ritual would get the Demon to her safely. Jody was still there, after she had brought Sam, she had decided to stay, which meant that Mary might as well do something useful, like drive to South Dakota to talk to Pamela Barnes a Psychic, who Mary knew since Pamela was a baby.


	5. As your nightmare comes to life

When seeing Pamela, the first impression people usually got, where ‘extremely hot’, ‘flirty’ and ‘badass’. During the past 21 years, that list had gotten longer and longer as far as Mary was concerned. Pam was smart and had more guts than was good for her. She was loyal and optimistic. But most of all, she was trustworthy. So, when Mary knocked at her door in the middle of the night, she knew that Pam would help her without telling a soul about it.

»Whoever that is, it’s four in the fucking morning and I have a shotgun pointed at the door, which I will use if you don’t fuck off! «, Mary heard Pamela’s voice sound through the door.

»Pam, it’s me! Mary. «, Mary called back and a few seconds later, the door opened. Although the two women hadn’t seen each other in some time, Mary noticed that Pamela hadn’t changed one bit. She was still tall, with long dark hair and a bright smile on her lips; she wore nothing but her underwear, holding indeed a shotgun in one hand.

»I know it’s you, stupid. «, she said and pulled Mary into a hug. »You need my help. «

»I do. «

»Well, come in, then. «

Mary followed Pamela into the house and sat down on the sofa, while Pam got them two glasses and a bottle of whisky.

»So? Tell me. You’re upset and a bit freaked out and there’s a whole tornado of emotions inside of you. «

»It’s John. He got attacked by a Djinn and he won’t make it unless he gets help. I know you don’t like him but…he doesn’t deserve to die. Not like this. «

»What do you want me to do? «

While Mary told her plan to the Psychic, Pamela’s expression got more and more alarmed.

»Are you insane? You want to trust a Demon with your husband’s life? «

»I trust a Demon to hold up his end of a deal. Crowley is a Crossroads Demon. A salesman. And he owes me a favour. Please, Pam. All you need to do is find me the ritual and I’ll do the rest on my own. «

»Why come to me with this? Why not Bobby? «

»Because Bobby would try to stop me. «

Pamela sighed and Mary knew that she would do it. »Alright. «, Pam said and stood up. »Give me a minute. «

Pamela needed a bit longer than just a minute to find the right spell and set up the sigils but when all was done eventually, she didn’t leave.

»I’m not gonna let you do this on your own. «, she just said and Mary shrugged.

It was a strange feeling to stand in the dark living room, while the sun was slowly rising. Mary lit a match and let it fall into the bowl of ingredients. The flame shone bright and hot, filling the room with smoke. Suddenly, there was a dark figure inside the Devil’s Trap. Mary recognized the features Crowley, who seemed a bit surprised to be summoned by her.

»Mary Winchester, miss me already? «, he asked with a smirk.

»I did you a favour, Demon. Now it’s time that you do the same for me. «, she spoke. The creature in front of her made feel scared and weak, both emotions that she was not accustomed to and that she did not like.

»A deal’s, a deal. «, Crowley nodded.

»I want you to find someone for me. A woman named Doctor T. «

»Why? «

»That doesn’t concern you. I need her, that’s all you have to know. «. Mary felt a pang of desperation swelling up inside of her. What if Crowley refused? She didn’t have anything to make him help her; the only thing was her hope that he really was the Demon she thought him to be.

But then Crowley smiled, »I’m a man of my word. I see what I can do. «, he said and Mary let out the breath she had been holding. She nodded, »Make it quick. «

* * *

When she came back to Minnesota, she found Jody frantically pacing the room.

»Where the hell have you been?! «

»Trying to find someone to help John. I’m sorry. How are the boys? «

»We’re fine, mum. «, Dean said. She hadn’t even noticed him coming in.

»It’s gonna be okay. Your dad will be okay. «. And if she just said it often enough, maybe it would become true.

»Jody! «, Sam called from the living room. Jody immediately left the room and Mary followed, worried by the sound of Sam’s voice. John was still lying on the sofa but he wasn’t just unconscious. He was lashing about and wriggling, sweat dripping down his face, groaning, while Sam tried to hold him down.

»What the - «

»He’s been like this all night. «, Jody explained. »It’s getting worse. He’s got fever and these episodes. It’s think it’s the poison. He’s dying Mary. «

»He’s not gonna die! «, Mary yelled.

»But he is, mum. Look at him. «, Mary wished it was Dean who had said it. She could have handled those words from the 16 – year – old. But it wasn’t. It was Sam. Little Sam with his puppy eyes but now he just looked angry and Mary wasn’t even sure what his anger was directed at.

»Sam. Sam I know this is difficult - «

»No, you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like. You’re never there. You go Hunting and when we’re lucky dad isn’t there, because when he is, it’s hell. He’s drunk and angry and he shouts at us and he laughs at me because I read and do my school work and then Dean tries to calm him down and make him stop and then Dean is the who ends up with a black eye. You don’t know anything! «, there were tears in Sam’s eyes and while Sam was shouting, Mary saw that Dean was getting smaller and smaller, pressing himself against the wall. Slowly, she turned around towards her older son, »Is that true, Dean? Did he beat you? «

Dean looked away and shrugged, »Better me than Sammy. «, he muttered. And that was it. It was too much. She knew that John hadn’t been a good father but beating up his own son? Mary hadn’t even noticed that she started crying until Jody wrapped her arms around her and gently stroked her hair, »It’s okay. He’s a dick and he had no right but it’s over now. It’s not gonna happen again, you understand? «. Mary nodded. Jody was right; this had to end.

They all startled when someone knocked at the door. Frowning, Mary opened it and saw Crowley standing in front of her. »How did you find us? «, she asked. It made her very uneasy to have the Demon this close to her without any way to restrain him.

»Does it matter? I’m not going to ask you to invite me in. But I thought I’d let you know that I found your doctor. «

»You did? How? «, Mary asked surprised.

»That doesn’t concern you. «, Crowley replied with a smirk. »The only thing you have to know is that I have. We’re done. «

»Fine by me. Where is she? «

»Booker, Texas. «

Within the hour, Mary, Sam and Dean were in the Impala, with John half lying, half sitting in the back, on their way to Texas, while Jody took Adam home with her. The boy seemed happy to get out of the house and Mary couldn’t blame him. It was a ten-hour drive and Mary and Dean took turns in driving the car. Despite her anger and disgust for John, she was still determined to save his life; at least long enough so she could tell him, how much of a bastard he was. The Thompson’s house was just outside town, secluded by trees and meadows. Mary rang the bell and a girl, about Sam’s age, with long brown hair and grey eyes opened the door.

»What do you want? «. she asked and Mary was surprised by the coldness of her voice.

»Hello. My name is Mary. Is your mum home? «

»Mum! «, the girls yelled without taking her eyes from Mary. Seconds later a woman appeared behind the girl. She looked exactly the same as her daughter, from the curly hair, down to the piercing look in her eyes.

»Doctor T.? «, Mary asked.

»Who wants to know? «

»Mary Winchester. Bobby Singer said that you might able to help me. «

»A Winchester? Come in. «

Mary was relieved that the name Winchester, just as the name Campbell, had so much influence in her line of work. Together, she and her sons carried in John and lay him down on a table. The doctor didn’t comment, just started examining him and Mary didn’t dare interrupt her.

»When did this happen? «, doctor T. finally asked.

»Yesterday. He was poisoned by - «

»A Djinn, yes. «, The doctor looked up, »I’m sorry, Mary but there is nothing I can do. Djinn poison in a dose like this is lethal. «, she actually did sound sorry. Mary was speechless; of course, a part of her had expected to hear this but there had still been hope.

»No. «, Dean suddenly said.

»Excuse me? «

»I said no. He’s not going to die because you won’t let him! You are going to save him. «, for a second there was something in Dean’s eyes. Something dark and cold. Predatory. Something she had always only seen in John’s eyes.

»What’s your name? «, doctor T. asked.

»Dean. «

»Listen, Dean, I’m a doctor but even I can only do so much. Sure, I could keep him alive for a little bit longer. Prolong his suffering. But heal him? That I can’t because I don’t have a cure. «

»But there is one? «

The doctor fidgeted a bit, biting her lips she seemed to choose every following word every carefully, »There is a rumour of a very powerful Witch named Rowena, who could help you. «, she said eventually. »But that is all I’m going to say to you. I keep out of anyone else’s business. If there’s a Hunter who needs a doctor, I’m there but beyond that I don’t want to be part of any of it. «

And although she didn’t say it, it was clear that that was her last word.


	6. Hell to pay

The headquarters of the Men of Letters was in Lebanon, Kansas. Mary had been there several times, especially since John used to be one of them. She knew the Bunker like she knew her own house, knew the people that worked there, every trap that was laid out on the outside.

»Mary, my dear! What a surprise to see you. «, Father Max Thomson, a leader of the secret society, greeted her friendly. Father Max’s eyes fell on Sam and Dean, who had never been in the Bunker before and now looked around in awe. »And these are your sons, I assume. «

»Yes father. Sam and Dean but…I’m afraid I am not here for pleasantries. I need your help. «

The Hunters and the Men of Letters had an arrangement. They helped each other but it was usually just out of necessity. Of course, her father had made her marry a Man of Letters but that didn’t mean that he liked them. If Samuel knew what she was doing, he would probably be very disappointed in her.

»You and your family have always been of great help to us. Whatever we can do. «

»Thank you, father. «

Mary was used to the constant crowd rushing to and fro the corridors and she spotted Isaac immediately.

Isaac Bass was one of the oldest members of the Men of Letters, and part of the leaders; at the same time, he was also the only one from his family. Mary didn’t fully understand it but apparently, the Bass family was an old Jewish family and it was against their tradition to get involved with Hunters and the likes. According to Isaac, his decision to join the Men of Letters, made him a traitor to the family therefore to the entire Judah Initiative.

The old man seemed content to see her and gave Mary a hug. But before he could even consider small talk, she started right away with telling him what had happened.

»Can you help me find her? «, she finished.

Isaac took a moment to think, »Yes. «, he said eventually. »But I advise you against it. «

»Why? «

»Because Rowena isn’t just any Witch. She is dangerous and very powerful. The Great Coven expelled her because they feared her and you will not be able to find her, if she doesn’t want to be found and even if you do, she will not do it out of kindness. «

»I don’t care. «, Mary said, shaking her head. She watched Sam and Dean, while they were lead around the Bunker by Josie Sands, one of the very rare Woman of Letters. »They need their father. «, Mary ended her sentence.

Isaac nodded, »I understand. But do not say, I did not warn you. «

Fifteen minutes later, Mary, Dean and Sam left the Bunker with a potential location of the Witch Rowena. The spell Isaac performed for Mary, exposed Norfolk, Nebraska as the place Rowena was staying; which lay on their way back to Bobby. John hadn’t made a sound for hours now, which meant that there wasn’t much time left. Ignoring any speed limits, Mary only needed one and a half hours to get there and when they finally were, she wasn’t even surprised to find that Rowena was expecting them.

»I was wondering when you would come. «, she said with a wide smile. Rowena was a small woman with long red hair but Mary knew that her appearance was deluding; she was dangerous and she’d rather not have her children anywhere near her.

»Wait in the car. «, she said before getting out. She saw Dean, trying to protest but she was already following Rowena inside the house.

»How did you know I would come? «

»Oh please, news travel fast if you only know how to listen. By the way, good work with that Walker lad; he was a nutjob anyway. «

»Then you know why I’m here. «

»You want to save your poor little Johnny from dying. I can see that you have a good heart Mary, but your husband, he is a bad boy. We girls don’t need bad boys in our lives. «

»That is not your decision to make! Do you have it or not? «

»The antidote? Of course, I have it. «, Rowena laughed whole heartedly and Mary felt a shudder running down her spine. »The question is what are you willing to pay for it? «

»Anything. Whatever you want, just help him, please. «

»No, no, no. I will help you, not him. «

»Then tell me your price. I can get money. «

»I don’t want money, it’s so boring. «

»What do you want? «

»Something precious. «


	7. The memories remain (except sometimes they don’t)

»My memories? «, Mary asked incredulous.

»Is that a problem? «, Rowen replied. She was still smirking.

»I – I don’t understand. Why would you want my memories? What for? «

»Entertainment. The Grand Coven abandoned me. Forbids me to use magic. I get so bored and this is just the right kind of fun for me. «

»Fine. «, Mary simply said. She was wasting time with this Witch, while John was dying in her car. »What memories do you want? «

»Everything good that reminds you of your husband. «

»What? «

»You heard me. You want to save John? You will, but you will only remember how much of a dick he is. The fighting, the drinking, the violence; it will all be there and everything else, every faint memory you have of the two of you being happy together will be gone. That is my price. «

»Why are you doing this? Why are you so horrible? «

»Because I can, my love. You need me. «

And sadly, that was true. Mary did need Rowena. She had a choice here; she could turn around and leave, let John die and live on with the guilt of that but her memories still intact. Or she could give up those memories and save him. Save him for what? He had cheated on her, lied to her, hit her and Dean. He had neglected her and if she knew one thing than that they didn’t have a future together. She remembered Dean and his expression; how much he looked like John already but despite the things John had done to his son, Dean still loved him; still wanted to save him. Mary closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn’t her decision to make. She might hate John for what he did but his sons, all three of them, needed him to at least be alive. She knew what she had to do.

»Do it. «, she said with a firm voice. Rowena smiled even wider and slowly stepped closer, »Such bravery. «, she whispered. »Such loyalty. «

Mary couldn’t see her anymore because Rowena now stood behind her. There were hands on each side of her head and it felt like a thick fog was slowly filling her brain. The room in front of her eyes got blurry, faded into million colours and shapes.

* * *

_Mary was sixteen; her mum had just told her that the Winchesters were coming over for dinner and that she should look pretty. She was nervous. Her mum had said that John would be there too. Mary knew that her parents expected her to like John. She expected herself to like John. When the bell finally rang, she sped down the stairs and saw Henry and his wife standing outside the door; behind them was a very pretty boy with dark hair and dark eyes. John saw her and Mary saw a faint blush on his cheeks as he smiled at her._

_»Hey, I’m John. «, he introduced himself._

_»I’m Mary. «_

_»I know. «, John said laughing. »You’re very pretty. «_

_»You don’t look so bad yourself. «_

* * *

_Mary was seventeen and waiting in her car for John. They were friends, very good friends although they both knew that that wasn’t all. Their parents let them do whatever they wanted because they wanted them to marry as soon as they were old enough and Mary wanted that too. She was determined. Tonight, the would kiss; she could feel it. When the boy finally left the house, and got into the car with her, he smiled happily._

_»Where are you taking me? «, he asked._

_»That’s a surprise. «, Mary replied with a smile._

_»Huh. I like surprises. «_

_Mary laughed, »I know. «_

* * *

_Mary was eighteen when John proposed to her. They had been dating for a year and now it was Mary’s birthday and John took her out to dinner. It was a fancy, expensive restaurant and Mary couldn’t stop smiling at how nervous John was. Of course, she didn’t know what he had planned but she wasn’t surprised either when he got down on his knee and asked, »Mary Sandra Campbell, do you want to marry me? «_

_»Of course. «, she answered. The whole restaurant was watching them as John got up and kissed her long and deep._

_»I love you. «, Mary whispered._

_»I know. «, John said._

* * *

_Mary was twenty when she walked down the aisle. Her mother sat in the first row of the church, crying and laughing at the same time, together with John’s mum. Her husband to be looked incredibly sexy in his suit and the way his eyes lit up when he saw Mary, made her heart skip a beat._

_»_ _I, John Eric Winchester, take you, Mary Sandra Campbell, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. «_

_»You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen. «_

_After they kissed and everyone began crying and cheering John took her into his arms, tightly and whispered, »I am never going to leave you. I am yours, Mary. «_

_»I know. «_

* * *

_Mary was 25 and in hospital. John was by her side, more nervous than she had ever seen him before._

_»Relax. «, she said. »It’s gonna be fine. «. It was quite funny how he was the one freaking out, although she lay in bed and was about to give birth to their son._

_»I know. «, John muttered and kissed her forehead._

_Four hours later, Mary held little Dean in her arms, while John sat next to her and cried from happiness._

* * *

_Mary was 29 when Sam was born._

_John was much calmer this time. He glowed with pride as he held Dean in his arms and Mary couldn’t stop smiling. Despite all the difficulties; despite the Monsters and Demons that were waiting for them behind every corner, they lead a perfect life. She didn’t really go Hunting anymore and John had an actual job next to his work for the Men of Letters. Dean was a happy child with an exceptional talent for causing trouble._

_They were happy. And they both knew it._


	8. It could have been much worse but it should have been better

When Mary opened her eyes, she lay on a soft surface. The room was dark but felt very familiar; the smell surrounding was like home but home smelled different.

»Mum? «.

Mary turned her head and saw Sam and Dean sitting next to the bed. Only now, she recognized one of Bobby’s bedrooms. How did she get here?

»How are you feeling? «, Dean asked.

»I’m good. «, Mary answered and sat up a bit. »What happened? «

»You went into the house and then nothing happened for a long time until Rowena came out and gave me the antidote, saying that you would be out of it for some time. What did she do to you? «

_»What do you want? «_

_»Your memories. «_

Mary remembered the talk she had had with the Witch, remembered her hands on her head but apart from that there was just darkness.

»Nothing. «, she answered with a smile. »She didn’t do anything. Is your father alright? Did it work? «

»Dad’s fine. He’s still sleeping or pretending to be, I dunno. «, Sam said. Mary let out a sigh of relief; at least it wasn’t for nothing. She knew she lost her memories but since she didn’t even know what those memories were, it wasn’t even a bad thing. How could you miss something you didn’t even know existed?

It took her another half hour to actually leave the bed, but when she finally got down the stairs, she was surprised to see a whole crowd waiting for her. There were her sons and Adam; Jody and Bobby, but also Ellen, Bill and Jo. Her family, and they were all there because she, Mary Winchester, needed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Find me on Tumblr =)](https://dreamworldvictim.tumblr.com/)


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